I have been trying to figure out a way of living life where I am always at peace, joy, full of love, as genuine as I can be, as honest as possible and where I am in a position to always help others and give, be divine, manifest all my desires, cultivate talent in almost every field etc etc and also deal with the world in such a way that I am never harmed, taken advantage of, fooled or hurt. So I have studied and read loads of books to improve myself, to seek divinity and God, to figure out a way where I am a master of situations and circumstances, be as nice a guy as I can be, be totally myself always, always do the right thing at the right time, take the right action when it needs to be taken etc etc Basically I am trying to live up to a very high IDEAL where I am PLEASED with myself as well as where I PLEASE everyone else, be in everyone’s good books and always try to be my BEST. However, we and especially I as a human being find it very DIFFICULT to achieve such ideals. I will always fall short, lack in some area or the other, never attain the perfection I envisage, and most of the time things are totally opposite of what I EXPECT. The REAL world and PEOPLE and ME included are such that no matter how much I try, I will always fail, not fail (not a good word) but fall short somewhere or the other. I lived DANGEROUSLY, like I followed one PHILOSOPHY(mainly spirituality) after another by going deep into them. So there came a time when I actually attained the ABOVE mentioned IDEALS but it was short lived and I came CRASHING down which resulted in a seriously DAMAGED MIND. So I am again on a QUEST.
I find PHILOSOPHY to be a very interesting subject. It studies, draws conclusions based on reason and tries to derive truth and insight. It will look at all possible ways to come to a particular conclusion and then term it as truth. Its approach is dialectic and uses logic. However philosophy is always subject to change since it is unlike science where everything is definite and always holds to be true. Philosophy is fascinating because it studies everything and anything under the sun and also above. It is concerned with us as humans, God, nature, planets, mathematics, society, ethics, medicine, existence, purpose etc. It seeks to analyze, research, go to the depth of the subject matter and answer questions which it itself asks. So if science is definite and theology full of dogmas, philosophy is the no man’s land existing between both. It is the faculty of WONDER that starts a philosophical quest. When you start wondering, u can say that a philosophical quest for you has begun. It is indeed extraordinary to actually observe the line of thinking employed by the great philosophers and how they reached conclusions and truths. It is even more fascinating to observe how philosophy has evolved over the ages with philosophers using the orginal ideas of previous philosophers and coming up with their own. Philosophy is always open to criticism, can be refuted, can be changed, can be modified, challenged, wronged and every era in history has produced a different kind of philosophy.(I am talking as if I am a pro in this but I am just a beginner, at the very very basic level right now)
So right now I want to PHILOSOPHIZE and come to certain conclusions on a subject matter using my REASONING powers, LOGIC and then have statements supporting them. It is using a dialectic method. Let us take my above example of me trying to attain my idealism and always failing. What is it that results in my failure to achieve the above ideals. I will use the word ‘US’ cause in a sense it applies to all of us human beings. I would conclude that there are 2 main reasons as to why we are subject to disappointments and misery. I am not concerned with the misery in the sense that it has to do with illness or poverty or other circumstances like earthquakes and wars etc. I am concerned mainly with misery related to us as human beings in living everyday life. I BOIL them down to these two words (Now philosophy is such that a person’s point of view is his own and he gives his own logic, so here I am attempting to give mine)
1) PERFECTION (I have been fruitlessly trying to attain)
2) EXPECTATION
What is a PERFECT human being anyways? I can certainly use my imagination and have an idea or opinion and envisage the perfect person that I want to be. Now, taken from books, seeing other people, from knowledge, my conscience, memory of the past, experience, lessons etc help me in forming an image in my mind as to what a perfect person should be like. So after an image is formed, I derive an EXPECTATION of how I should be and I use my WILL and try to live up to that image so formed in my mind. Now consider 2 persons, A and B. Now I am being the PERFECT man and I meet person A. However this person A will have EXPECTATIONS which might differ from mine and I might not be AWARE of. So I meet him being the PERFECT person and having what I think to be the right EXPECTATIONS (from myself that is). Now as I get to know A better, it might happen that my EXPECTATIONS clashes with his (however I am being perfect) Take for example, A wants something from me or wants me to do something, however I am not AWARE of it or even if I am, I don’t do it or I say NO which ultimately results in A being disappointed and me not satisfying him and living up to his EXPECTATION thus resulting in one being happy and the other not. So now, since I have a CONSCIENCE, I might feel BAD. So in that sense, I was not PERFECT otherwise I would have satisfied him and also I as a PERFECT person failed to live up to my EXPECTATIONS. So next time, I will make an effort to be MORE PERFECT and thus attempt to live up to A’s EXPECTATIONS. When I meet A again over a period of time, it might happen that I am always consciously living up to whatever EXPECTATIONS he has from me thinking that I am being PERFECT. If I continue in being the SAME, it may happen that he will eventually be the one controlling and dictating ME. In simple words, he notices that I am being the person he always EXPECTS me to be and thus he might take me for GRANTED and take ADVANTAGE. The day I decide to defy his EXPECTATIONS might result in arguments, fights, bad blood, disappointment and misery for both of us. So in my attempt to attain PERFECTION in relation to A, it leaves me nowhere and I am again short of being PERFECT. I am back to square one. So how can one attempt to be PERFECT and live up to his as well as other’s EXPECTATIONS? I am just concerned with person A but what about person B? It might be again totally different in his case. We tend to meet so many people with each and every one having EXPECTATIONS such that it is impossible to draw the line when it comes to my OWN and PERFECTION is what’s IMPOSSIBLE. Maybe, if I am not trying to be PERFECT and I live up to whatever EXPECTATION I feel fit, I’ll be happier and I am not concerned with what the other person thinks. However, it might make the other person UNHAPPY or DISSAPOINTED. So for my happiness, I make the other miserable. And the other way around is, for his happiness, I make myself miserable. Both ways, IT DOSE’NT WORK. So I come to this conclusion, HAPPINESS and MISERY are both DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to EXPECTATION. I am just giving an example of human relations. How about EXPECTATION in terms of other activities such as say your WORK, maybe GUITARING (as in my case), STUDIES, certain DESIRES etc etc. From each of these fields, I EXPECT something and if it lives up to, I am HAPPY and if it doesn’t, I am frustrated and SAD. I might set an UNREASONABLE EXPECTATION of playing a very difficult piece of music on failing which I feel miserable. So EXPECTATIONS in a way is a CAUSE of HUMAN SUFFERING. But then, another piece of MUSIC which I EXPECT to play and I am being able to play results in me feeling ecstatic. So, EXPECTATION can again be a CAUSE of HUMAN HAPPINESS, ACHIEVMENT and other POSITIVE words. EXPECTATION can also be MEANS of generating ACTION and BEHAVIOR. I am EXPECTED to DO THIS and I DO THIS, resulting in me ACHIEVING or BEHAVING THAT. If I am NOT EXPECTED and NEVER AM, TO DO THIS and I DON’T DO THIS, it results in ME NOT ACHIEVING OR BEHAVING THAT. It’s AMBIGIOUS, this word EXPECTATION; it has BOTH POSITIVE and NEGATIVE CONNOTATIONS. So can I say that to REMOVE HUMAN SUFFERING, we SHOULD DO AWAY with EXPECTATION. Don’t have any EXPECTATION from yourself as well as others. Will it WORK? It WILL to an extent. If x is what I expect and y is what happens or doesn’t happen because of x it can result in L and M. L is positive while M is negative. However, if x is what I don’t expect, and y happens or doesn’t happen, only L will happen and not M or neither. If I expect a person to say hi and he does, I am happy, if he doesn’t I am disappointed. If I don’t expect a person to say hi and he does, I might be happy but if he doesn’t, I won’t be SAD. So in a way it removes MISERY. But if I REMOVE EXPECTATION, what about ACTION and BEHAVIOR. In an extreme sense, won’t it be LOSING CONTROL? However, society has CERTAIN LAWS laid down where certain EXPECTATIONS are taken for GRANTED and so all of us LIVE up to THEM failing which we might be RIDICULED, OUTCASTED or IGNORED. So I cannot do AWAY with EXPECTATIONS, can I? So how do I draw a LINE between what to EXPECT and what NOT to EXPECT? It’s a DIFFICULT process, I would say and something which I feel is even more difficult to MASTER. Ponder about it. As I said, EXPECTATION is both NEGATIVE and POSITIVE; however, PERFECTION is always NEGATIVE. When u are seeking to be PERFECT, your EXPECTATIONS can be totally unrealistic, unreasonable and unsatisfactory both from yourself and other people and results in NOTHING but MISERY as happened with me and my IDEALS. So I come to these TRUTHS about EXPECTATION and PERFECTION.
See, this is how philosophy is. I questioned, analyzed, approached the subject matter from various angles, used reasoning and logic and came out with statements to support them and in the end came to certain conclusions which I termed as truth. However, the PROBLEM of PHILOSOPHY is that in spite of me tackling the above, I still left you with loads of QUESTIONS. One question leads to another but the fact is, every question makes you go deeper into the subject matter. That’s the BEAUTY of PHILOSOPHY. Now, the above which I have written can be criticized, ridiculed, refuted, wronged etc. Also the above can lead to someone modifying it or adding to it or improving it and so it goes on. That’s the philosophical process. I am a very basic beginner and maybe all of the above I wrote is bullshit. Well, u have your own reasoning powers and so I leave it up to you to give your own JUDGEMENT while I go back to my PONEDERING and hopefully a day comes when I can match up to the great minds of Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Emerson, Nietzsche, Russell, Descartes and the likes (U are dreaming pal, now that’s what a totally unrealistic EXECTATION is but again if I don’t EXPECT then what will compel me to take the steps and actions in achieving, so where will I stand?, will it result in my happiness or misery?) Confusion to end confusion, question to end questions and I now end this article…
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